Learning the Meaning of Love

 With his arm outstretched and a stick in his hand, he stirred the flame, making the embers rise with the movement. The sound of crickets and cicadas filled his ears; the silvery glow of the moon fell over the treetops, in a cloudless sky, yet full of stars. A radio played softly, with little static. He laid his head on the hard bag, wishing to savor the silence. Powerful and inevitable, exhausted, the flow of thoughts that embarrassed him was interrupted. Empty of himself, he was filled by the abundant nature around him.

 And suddenly he remembered that he had managed to go through the day without Leônidas’s name coming to mind. Now, about to fall asleep, perhaps it wouldn’t hurt to think about him a little, since he wouldn’t have him nearby to tell how he had crossed a stone trail over a stream, found orange-colored birds, or had been awake just moments before to see the sunrise. He didn’t need to tell anyone anything. He was satisfied with how things had unfolded that day, as if the sun and  fields had been drawn in perfect form for his feet to walk upon them.

 Ulisses tried to hide his tiredness, yet remained enthusiastic. He had long promised to go camping, though Phillipe had never taken it seriously. He decided to give up a week of rest to fill the days of school recess with company.

 If, on the one hand, Phillipe expected he had done it only to watch over him, he was mistaken. There was a schedule to occupy their time. Ulisses wasn’t exactly who he wanted by his side for entertainment, yet the eyes of the heart convinced him to allow the man’s rejuvenation as he entered his world.

 He could have declined, but it didn’t seem convenient, for when one loves, such obstacles should not be placed. He could put a game controller in his hands and, with a little perseverance, begin to compete with him. That earned them good laughs.

 He had invited him to teach him how to cook. Perhaps this was the tenth attempt, but Ulisses never lost hope that Phillipe would improve in that field. However, he had to recognize that there were insurmountable challenges.

 They shared the comic book collection, and, in the spirit of the moment, Ulisses was encouraged to run through every newsstand in the city to find the missing issue for the shelf. He made occasional comments about the characters but also encouraged him to read his books. It wasn’t as bad as Phillipe thought. He felt as if he were learning something meaningful instead of staying with what was already familiar.

 Then, when he was invited to go to the movies, he hoped it wouldn’t be a film without action scenes. With some effort and patience, they found common ground and rejoiced in their choice. His generosity was remarkable when he agreed to buy the promotional item, braving the immense line to acquire it.

 Extravagant trips or paradise destinations weren’t part of the plan. Ulisses intended to save money to renovate some rooms in the house, as well as to organize himself to cover Phillipe’s university expenses. Maturity, however, made them realize that it didn’t take much to make it worthwhile. And that night, when the days of rest already signaled their end, a feeling began to bloom inside him — one he was learning to handle.

 Without arguments or disappointments, everything was fine. It was the first moment he felt, frankly and deeply, that Ulisses was dear to him and that he was happy to have been chosen by him. Phillipe still didn’t feel worthy of all the things he had received; however, when standing before the mirror, he saw a boy different from who he used to be. The man was part of building that change.

 It was extraordinary how free he could feel next to him. Rarely did he behave this way around anyone else. No one knew his sense of humor so well, or how playful he could be. Behind the wall of his features, he inspired the impression of someone whose joy was devoid of strength.

 Phillipe chose carefully who would see his true essence; that’s why those who discovered this virtue rarely felt inclined to walk away from him. His smile was radiant.

 Things that seemed hard and complicated became easy under his guidance. Out of pride, he feared that, someday, a severe argument might turn them into adversaries. In advance, he set principles so as not to offend him again. He wanted to earn that place. The imperfection of things was part of that story, one he was proud to build more and more each day.

 But that night, he thanked him in a restrained way, born of a spontaneous will. For the times they had sung the songs they liked, even off-key; in honor of his presence when others were unreachable; for not giving up on this dream, despite the difficult days; for teaching him how to pitch a tent or build a safe campfire.

 Gratitude for the trust placed in him, for the encouragement, for never letting him fall, and for having made a brave decision, even seeing himself as incapable and incomplete, so that something worse wouldn’t happen in his life. Condensing all those reasons into a few words was part of his stone heart, which was beginning to soften. He was at peace; it had been a happy day.